Dating Decency »

Do you have the most amazing first dates ever? Full of great conversation, lots of fun, and memorable moments? We’re here to help! Follow our fool-proof advice to make your first dates miserable:

1. Don’t offer to pay for the meal. Guys, its your money. You barely know this girl. Make her buy her own food. Girls, it is the guys job to pay for your meal. Demand it.
2. Wear heavy cologne or perfume. Nothing says “look at me, I’m attractive” like the smell of whale barf. Wear enough so your date can find you by scent if you get separated at the theater.
3. Arrive fashionably late. You don’t want your date to think you are too interested. Show up 45 minutes late to show that not only are you interested, but you are cool. Ladies, even if you’ve known for days what time your date is going to show up, don’t bother to start getting dressed until 5 minutes before the date. Guys love sitting in your living room for 45 minutes while you try on clothes.
4. Talk about your ex. Make it clear to your date what you do/don’t want in a relationship by frequently referring to your ex. They’ll appreciate funny anecdotes and will feel closer to you as you rant about their shortcomings.
5. Talk politics. Hate Bush? Hate Obama? Let your date know! Surely they’ll agree with your position, because anyone in their right mind would hate insert hated political group/person here. Read the whole story »