For several weeks I let everyone know that we were having a snail race and that people should invite their friends. I looked online and found some printable race car number decals that could be put on the snails. I made a “race track” for the snails. I had everything ready to go. Except for the snails.

The activity was planned for Monday, and it was already the Saturday before. I took my girlfriend and headed to the pet store to buy some snails. Unfortunately, when the store clerk found out what I’d be doing with the snails they sold, she refused to sell them!

Not to be deterred, we went to a park that had a pond to find snails. But alas, there weren’t any!

As a last resort, I sprayed the grass in the backyard with a hose in the hopes of attracting my slimy friends. Victory! I gathered a dozen tiny snails and put them in a plastic container with some grass.

Sunday came, and I gave my snails a little water, but didn’t think of them much.

Finally Monday was here, and it was time to race the snails! The snails weren’t being very lively though. They were bunched up, and several looked dead (I later learned they were eating each other to survive).

The race was a flop. In an attempt to encourage the other snails to get a move on, someone ate one of the more sluggish snails. Although it caused a moment of entertainment for everyone, it didn’t motivate the other snails to move any faster.

We finally gave up and released our snails into the wild.

To avoid this unfortunate problem, follow these tips:

1. Lock your car doors. Keeping your doors locked, even when you are in the car, is an excellent habit to get in. Leaving your doors unlocked almost guarantees eventual theft.
2. Put valuables in your trunk. Don’t keep valuables where people can see them. If you know you are going to be driving somewhere and parking your car, put your valuables in the trunk before you leave. If you have to put them in the trunk once you get where you are going, then people might see you doing this and break into your car once you are gone.
3. Don’t keep a spare key in the car. Thieves know where people generally keep their spare keys, and most insurance companies won’t accept a claim if the car doesn’t look like it was broken into. Instead, keep a spare key with a trusted friend that you can call in an emergency.
4. Keep your spare keys in a safe spot at home. If you keep a spare key at home (as you should) make sure that it is in a safe spot. If your house is burglarize you don’t want the thieves having a key to your car.
5. Keep your garage door opener out of sight. A garage door opener is as good as a key to your house. Thieves know this and will break into your car to get to it if they can see it.
6. Park in a garage if possible. Try to park in a garage whenever possible, even if it costs a little more than parking on the street. Your vehicle will be better protected from bad drivers/parkers and will be less likely to be broken into.
7. Park in a well lit area. If a garage isn’t an option, park in the brightest area you can find. Thieves naturally want to avoid being identified and will choose a car parked in a dark spot over a car parked in a bright spot.
8. Don’t carry cash. It is okay to have a little bit of money on you, but carry as little cash as possible. If your credit cards are stolen, then you aren’t liable for the fraudulent charges, but if they take your cash then you are just out of luck.
9. Keep your wallet in your front pocket. If you are in a big city or high crime area, keep your wallet in your front pocket. It is much harder to lift from the front pocket than from the back.

As we drove to the rink, we noticed that the surroundings started getting more and more run down. As we pulled into the parking lot, our conversation stopped mid-sentence. The rink’s paint was peeling. There were shady characters hanging out at the corners of the building. The parking lot was filled with potholes and derelict vehicles.

We quickly agreed that perhaps we should find some other activity for that day’s date.

Moral of the story: Make sure you know where you are going before you get there. You’ll enjoy your date much more if your girl isn’t fearful for her safety the whole time.