1. Don’t offer to pay for the meal. Guys, its your money. You barely know this girl. Make her buy her own food. Girls, it is the guys job to pay for your meal. Demand it.
2. Wear heavy cologne or perfume. Nothing says “look at me, I’m attractive” like the smell of whale barf. Wear enough so your date can find you by scent if you get separated at the theater.
3. Arrive fashionably late. You don’t want your date to think you are too interested. Show up 45 minutes late to show that not only are you interested, but you are cool. Ladies, even if you’ve known for days what time your date is going to show up, don’t bother to start getting dressed until 5 minutes before the date. Guys love sitting in your living room for 45 minutes while you try on clothes.
4. Talk about your ex. Make it clear to your date what you do/don’t want in a relationship by frequently referring to your ex. They’ll appreciate funny anecdotes and will feel closer to you as you rant about their shortcomings.
5. Talk politics. Hate Bush? Hate Obama? Let your date know! Surely they’ll agree with your position, because anyone in their right mind would hate insert hated political group/person here.
6. Complain about work. Your job sucks. They work you too hard, your boss is a jerk, you get lousy hours. Let your date know! Dump the cares of your world on their shoulders, and free yourself from the burden for a few hours.
7. Let them know how amazing you are. Won 2nd place in the Pinewood Derby in 3rd grade? Voted class president in Junior High? Your date needs to know how amazing you are. Whenever there is a lull in conversation, blurt out something you’ve accomplished or an award you’ve received, and your date won’t be able to help but become infatuated with you.
8. Flash your cash. Talk money! It is important to establish early in the relation who is going to be the sugar-daddy/momma and who is going to be the gold digger. If your date doesn’t make enough money, cut things short with a clever line like, “Oh no, I think I left the oven on!”
9. Dress casual. This is a date, not the opera. There is no need to dress up a little nicer than usual, or clean yourself up any more than you normally would. Haven’t washed your hair in a few weeks? Do your jeans have a few holes in them? Pit stains in the arm pits of your t-shirt? That’s fine! If your date isn’t cool with who you are, then it just wasn’t meant to be.
10. Answer your phone. Your date should understand that your friends/family/wrong-number-callers are important to you. If your phone goes off, answer it on the first ring and don’t be shy of talking for 5, 10, or even 15 minutes. Bonus tip: Let your date know where they stand by talking about your date so far with whoever just called you.

What did we miss? What would you do to fail a first date?

The problem with this type of goal setting is that it doesn’t include the other person in the relationship. Most couples never take the time to share their relationship goals with each other. They allow the relationship to flow naturally, and while this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is important for you both to be clear about where you want your relationship to go.

Even though no one can predict the future, setting a few expectations and goals in your relationship give it a pretty good chance for survival over the long haul. Being clear about what each of you wants builds the trust and understanding that makes relationships satisfying. This goal setting has to be a two-way street where each partner shares what their wants and needs are.

Of course, you cannot share your needs and wants unless you have figured out what they are first. It is important that you fully understand what your goals are before setting goals with your partner. What do you want?

Take the time to write out a list of everything you want in a relationship. After you have completed the list, ask yourself why these goals are so important to you at this point in your life. You must understand why you are setting these goals and then decide if you are setting them for the right reasons. Your partner should have his or her own list as well.

Once you and your mate have figured out what your goals are you can share them with each other. Listen carefully to what your partner has to say so that you will know exactly what he or she wants from your relationship. Don’t be discouraged if you have some differences in your goals for the relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re not meant to be together. It does mean that you will have to stay open in your communication so that you can always keep track of where your relationship is going. You will have to learn to compromise on your differences in a way that is fair for you both.

While it is important to understand your partner’s goals, it is even more important to remember what you want from the relationship. Never lower the expectations you have for a relationship just to please your mate. You’ll be selling yourself short. Talk to him or her often about where they think your relationship is going. People’s needs and wants change all the time so you may have to readjust some of your goals from time to time. Make sure that you either talk about your new goals or write them down so that you are both clear about them.

Relationship Goal Setting Do’s and Don’ts

• Do show support in all of the tings your partner tries to do and express your opinions instead of holding them inside.
• Do keep the lines of communication open and active on a daily basis.
• Do express your concerns regarding intimacy.
• Do help your significant other grow and progress in life.
• Don’t hide your feelings of dissatisfaction- the buildup will only worsen, which can lead to multiple fights and unhappy times in the future.
• Don’t let the fun fizzle out of your relationship.
• Don’t smother your partner and always assess the dependency each of you hold on one another.

1. Say “I love you” on the first date. You can’t know if you love someone on the first date. Even if somehow you think you do know, you are likely to really freak them out if you tell them.
2. Ask your partner why they are dating someone like you. Physical and emotional attraction are very strange things. It is often hard to put your finger on exactly why you like someone, and when confronted with that realization, it is often easier to just end the relationship.
3. Tell your partner that they deserve better than you. People tend to believe what they are told. Tell your partner that they deserve better and they are likely to find someone who thinks they do deserve them.
4. Make fun of your partner’s hobby, prized possession, or favorite collectible. A few good demeaning comments should be enough.
5. Don’t show up for a planned date. Nothing says “I love you” like being stood up for a date.
6. Shave your head. Contrary to popular belief, girls do not like bald people. For you ladies, guys really don’t like bald chicks.
7. Tell her yes, those jeans do make you look fat. A nice blast to her self-esteem should be enough to get her to search for a better partner.
8. Go on dates with other people, especially their best friends. If you really want things to end quickly, throw a few kisses in there, too.
9. Stop bathing. If the above suggestions don’t work, try driving them away with your body odor or your greasy hair.
10. Dictate what they can and can’t do. Forbid them from talking to old boyfriends. Demand that they show up at 7:00 PM sharp. Control every aspect of their life.

At this point you’ve lost any chance of ever getting anywhere with this girl. You’ve shown that you don’t think she is worth the time it takes to park the car and walk to the door. You’ve shown that you have a complete lack of understanding of women, and that you don’t realize that many of them are never ready on time. You’ve shown that you don’t care about meeting any of her family (or roommate, or whoever might be living with her). In short, you’ve shown that you are a jerk.

So if honking is out, what should you do?

First off, try to arrive 5 minutes early. This shows that you are excited about the date and that you are a prompt person. It also prevents you from being late if your clock and her clock don’t match up perfectly. Odds are she won’t be ready when you arrive, but sitting around for 5 or 10 minutes is much better than being late. If you don’t think you are going to make it there on time, call her the moment you realize this with an estimate of when you’ll be there! Giving her as much notice as possible shows that you are a considerate person and will potentially help her relax a little if she, too, is running late.

Once you arrive, park your car, walk to the door, and ring or knock. If someone besides your date answers the door, be sure to smile, introduce yourself, and ask for your date by name. For example, “Hi, I’m Jacob. Is Becca here?” It is likely that your date has mentioned you to the people that she lives with, and if they recognize your name they may give clues as to whether she is excited about or dreading the date.

Be prepared to wait because she might not be ready. Try not to look at your watch. Be prepared to talk to mom and be lectured by dad.

Once she is finally ready, say goodbye to any additional friends or family that you’ve met, and walk with her to the car. Be sure to open the car door for her! This may make her (and you) a little uncomfortable at first, but she’ll really enjoy it.

And last but not least, have fun!